Yes, It IS Ridiculous....That's The Point, Ya'll..."

Them there city folk who think that country music is beneath em' need to be brought down a peg or two.

More to the point, they need to be aware that country music has something that pretty much every other genre' of music lacks big time.

A quality, actually, that is considered a virtue in the book of humanity.

An ability to laugh at itself.

The best known of the "don't ya'll make fun of us because we do THAT better, too" songs include a lot of Brad Paisley's stuff, almost all of the songs that Pinkard and Bowden cranked out, pioneered, obviously, by the wonderful work of Homer and Jethro and, of course, the perennial Christmas favorite, " Please, Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas."

Oh, and a lesser known, but still funny piece..."You Dun Stomped On My Heart " (..."you just sorta / stomped on my aorta...")

In non-country hands, that kind of song would just be a cheap shot.

The reason they're funny, and classy, is because they are written and performed by country writers and singers.

If you haven't heard of The Notorious Cherry Bombs, you have, I promise, heard of some of their membership.

Rodney Crowell...singer, songwriter, former husband of Rosanne Cash and founder of The Hot Band, the backing group for Emmylou Harris

Eddie Bayers, Emory Gordy Jr, Larrie London, Michael Rhodes, Tony Brown, et al...all world class musicians and Nashville session players...

and...

Vince Gill...who I believe you've heard of down the road somewhere...

The Bombs' CD is available online (most likely Ebay) and has some cookin' "serious" country music on it.

But it's worth the price of admission if only for the following song.

If Mariah Carey could come even close to laughing at herself like this, she could quadruple her fan base overnight.

Enjoy.

"..When You're FIFTEEN..and Somebody Tells You They Love You...You Accept The Awards, For Heaven's Sake..."

Ain't no gettin' around it.

This whole Taylor Swift thing is phenomenal.

"...phenomenon (n.)

somebody or something that is, or considered to be, truly extraordinary and marvelous; something that is out of the ordinary and excites people's interest and curiousity..."

That sounds about right.

Of course, purists continue to grouse that Taylor's work is about as "real" country music as Olivia Newton John.

The 1974 CMA Female Vocalist of the Year, by the way.

I don't have much interest in getting into the whole "pure/not pure" discussion.

And I think the grousers miss the point.

The point is that the point is moot.

If you're a country music fan and you love to listen to Taylor Swift and you hear Taylor Swift on country radio, then, to you, Taylor Swift is "real" country.

And if country radio didn't think that you think Taylor was "real" country, we wouldn't be playing her on our shows.

Taylor's job is to make music and sell CD's.

My job is to get you to listen to me play music.

We're both doing our jobs.

Admittedly, she's getting a lot more adoration.

And a whole lot more money.

What's up with that, by the way?

I mean, come on, Taylor's a good kid and works pretty hard, I'm sure, but I bet she don't get up at 3:30 AM and drag it in here to get your day started with some hits and ha-has.

And Kanye West probably doesn't even know who I am.

That don't seem right.

Anyway, I think the "real/not real" country music discussion is, at best, a hair split activity and, at worst, an exercise in futility.

And by way of offering a little solstice on the hurt the "real" country music purists feel with this whole incursion of "pop" singers on 16th Avenue, Nashville, let me just say this...

"Phenomenon" has an additional definition...

"an occurance that can be observed.."

And occurances don't necessarily gurantee re-occurances.

Jury's still out and Taylor Swift may be around making music and winning CMA/ACM/etc awards for decades to come.

Or she could also end up like the 1996 CMA Best New Artist of the Year award winner.

Bryan White.

Who?

Exactly.

"Obama Must Be Glad They Didn't Wait To Give Out The Nobels Until November..."

Today, Randy Travis and I have something in common.

He wrote it. I said it.

I Told You So.

Yesterday morning, during my "special CMA Day" show, I predicted on air that the winner of the Best New Artist CMA Award would be Darius Rucker.

But rather than just spitting out a name at random, I explained why I thought it was going to shake out that way. And with the asterisk attached that all awards are based on subjective criteria, here was the madness behind my method.

If the award was going to live up to its name then, I said, the most likely choice was Jamey Johnson. He is new, his work is certainly unique, which qualifies it, in my book, as "artistry" and while the adjective "best" is always a slippery slope, I thought that he "best" represents what one might expect to find in a "best new artist."

Here's why, in the judgement of the CMA, Darius is and Jamey isn't.

The best new artist, that is.

Like the Motion Picture Academy and the Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, the Country Music Association likes to posture itself as an "artistic" organization, paying homage and doing due dilligence to those of its members who exhibit the highest caliber of the aforementioned artistic achievement.

As my granny used to say...oh, poo.

In large measure, the CMA Awards, like the Oscars and the Grammys are, at the heart of it, awards given to the most popular performer, performance, etc in any given category.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But, come on, kids. Does anyone with an ear older than six honestly think that Taylor Swift is a "better" singer than, say, Martina McBride?

I'd love to get Taylor and Martina on a show some morning, have both of them sing the National Anthem and then open the phones to let listeners decide which one brought the house down.

Game, set, match, McBride.

But Taylor Swift is this year's CMA Female Vocalist of the Year.

The comparisons can go on ad nauseum.

Does the "show" that Taylor puts on hold a candle to the show that Chesney puts on? Or Paisley?

But Taylor Swift is this year's CMA Entertainer of The Year.

And Darius Rucker, who is an established pop star with an obvious talent who brought a whole CD buying crowd of skeptical pop fans over the fence with him when he jumped into the country cooker, is this year's CMA Best New Artist of the Year.

In the news..."Pop Star Sees the Light...Turns Country and Sells Millions..."

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Darius Rucker being embraced by the country music industry and country music fans.

You go, Hootie.

But giving him the Best New Artist award over folks like Jamey and Zac Brown, et al, reminds me of a very funny thing Jay Leno said a long time ago.

It was in the early days of Madonna's career. She had a couple of hits under her bustier and MTV, in its own award giving wisdom, chose to bestow upon her its Lifetime Achievement Award.

Leno announced that during a monologue the next night and added...

"...wow...that oughta give Ella Fitzgerald something to shoot for...."

My guess is the odds are good that Darius is a lock for next year's CMA Lifetime Achievement Award.

Alright...indeed...

"In Country Music, As In Life, Change Can Come Swiftly.."

The whole argument about "pure" country versus "contemporary" country tiptoes right up to the line of being disingenuous.

Taylor Swift is the proof.

Did she work her way up to fame from the coal mining towns of Kentucky?

No.

Can you imagine that she will ever have a clothing store complete with boots, buckles and key chains on lower Broadway (uh, that's Nashville's lower Broad to all you big city interlopers..)?

Uh, not.

Do you imagine that she would look sillier than Michael Dukakis in that Snoopy helmet he wore twenty plus years ago by sitting on a tractor or squinting down the barrel as she hung out in the family deer stand?

Ya, you betcha.

But even the heart hardened can't honestly deny that the kid's got game. She writes em' purty, she sings em' purty and, as evidenced from last night's SNL hosting gig, she's got some purty solid comic chops, too.

And she's what, like, twelve?

Do the math. She could have an amazing career of ten plus years, disappear from sight for five plus years and then make a "comeback"...

And she'd only be in her thirties.

Talk about career longevitiy.

And if the point must be made that she doesn't sing "pure" country (and while that has the appearance of a fair point, I'd suggest that it would be fun to have a roundtable debate on just what exactly that term really means..), the point should also be made that her success is shining a very bright and very positive light on Nashville and not only entertaining millions of country music fans, but also millions of fans who, when they think country music,think, as Trace Adkins cleverly put it, "..twang and trains and hillbilly thing.."

Not to mentioning opening the doors of opportunity for a lot of singers and writers who will benefit from the opening minds of music industry movers and shakers who can see that country music is really no longer JUST about the aforementioned "twang and...".

In other words, Taylor Swift, whatever else she may or may not bring to the show biz table, is the best damned ambassador Nasvhille has ever lucked into.

And for those folks who simply can't accept that it's not 1961 anymore and that country music has evolved past George and Tammy and Conway and Loretty, try looking at it this way...

If the first exposure that "city folk" ever had to country music had to be a singer that was more pop than Patsy, be thankful for small favors...

And it turned out to be Taylor Swift.

And not Lady Gaga.

"I Just Wanna Say God Bless...What Would Be A Good Time for Me And The Reporters to Come By?..."

There's something very touching about the following story.

And something not.


When country star Dierks Bentley met Sgt. Kimberly Munley last July as he played an Independence Day concert at Ft. Hood, the police officer stood out to him.

"She was on the police force and was off to the side but I could tell she was a fan," he told PEOPLE Friday. Munley waited quietly until the crowd thinned out and then approached Bentley for a picture, which she posted as her Twitter profile image.

Now, it's the singer who is proud to be pictured with Munley, hailed as a hero after stopping Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the alleged the shooter responsible for Thursday's massacre at Ft. Hood Army base, which killed 13 people.

Bentley telephoned Munley, 34, on Friday morning after he learned that she helped fell the gunman and had been wounded in the process.

"I said I was honored to have my picture with her and that my band and I were all thinking of her and praying for the folks on the base. I told her, 'We are all just really thankful to you,' " says Bentley. "She was quiet and she's just humble person and said she was just doing what she does. She would say she's just out there doing her job, but it's a pretty amazing job she did. It's pretty impressive.”

Bentley says Munley was in good spirits despite her injuries and the grave nature of the previous day's events. "I can't imagine what that experience was like but she said she's okay," he says. "She said she lost a lot of blood but it sounded like she's on the road to recovery."

Bentley, who plans to return to Ft. Hood to see Munley again, says those on the base are no doubt shaken by the shooting, but will draw on the strength of their close-knit military community.

"God, these families – there is a reason why they call them Army strong. There's strong and then there's Army strong," he says. "They have to deal with their friends, husbands, sons, daughters putting themselves in harm's way far away and now to have that worry in their own community where they should feel they are the safest? But these are the strongest people. It's a really tight-knit group and they lift each other up when they are down."


I've written before that, just once, I'd like to hear a celebrity talk about some personal triumph over adversity without the phrase "...and it's all in my new book, available at bookstores nationwide.." inevitably ending their sharing.

I got a small twinge of the same feeling when I read about Dierks' outreach.

Is it touching and classy that this guy offered his thanks to this woman who is, without question, a true hero?

Of course, it is.

Would have been not just a little bit classier to have done it privately without having it splashed all over the pages of People Magazine?

I vote yes.

Benefit of the doubt, such as it is, I'd lay odds that it was somebody in Dierks' publicist's office who did the horn tooting.

Still, tacky is as tacky does.

The old saying is "there's no such thing as bad publicity.."

I'd offer that "there's such a thing as bad good publicity..."

That said, I agree with Dierks... 'We are all just really thankful to you,' "

And we can all relate to what it's like to be faced with life challenges we never expected.

Like all of you, I've had my own share of obstacles to overcome.

And you can read about them in my new book, available at bookstores nationwide.

"If, Ands, But....No Butts...."

Don't mean to step on anybody's "toes"....

But I don't have a problem with "ass".

One of the fresher groups to come along in country music this past year is the Zac Brown Band.

From the first time "Chicken Fried" showed up on the "looking for adds" list to the catchy groove of "Whatever It Is", it was clear as clear gets that this was a bunch of talents who were bringing a much welcomed, unique sound to country music and country radio.

And the crowd goes wild.

Yay.

Now, with their latest hit, the equally catchy and unique "Toes", a little broohaha has bubbled up.

The opening lyric of the song gets right down to brass tacks.

"I've got my toes in the water / ass in the sand...."

The "A" word show up a few more times along the way with absolutely no attempt made by the guys to disguise, underspeak, undersing or underemphasize it's inclusion.

Ass.

Plain and simple.

I started playing the song on my show and station as soon as I heard it because it's catchy, unique and clever.

And after the first listen or two and the inevitable initial eyebrow raised at the first hearing of the A word, I didnt give it another thought.

Then, I happened to be listening to Blair Garner's "After Midnite", a nationally syndicated show and heard an alternate version of the song.

In place of the A word, Zac simply sang the T word again.

So, the lyric was..."I got my toes in the water / toes in the sand..."

Well, don't take a Rhodes scholar to read the handwriting there.

Obviously, Zac provided a "safer" version for anybody who might resist programming the song for fear of sending little old ladies into cardiac arrest at the blatant uttering of the anal euphemsism.

Smart move on Zac's part, I suppose.

But I really expected more from Blair.

I've noticed that the other major country station in my market is playing the sani-tuned version, as well.

Geez, louise, guys.

Unasked and, frankly, unapologetic, allow me to share with you why I'm playing the cheeky version.

First, the line " toes in the water / toes in the sand" doesnt make any sense.

How can your toes be in the water and in the sand at the same time?

Second, nobody got their knickers in a twist when Toby Keith came assing down the airwaves.

"Courtesy of The Red, White and Blue", if you please.

And we all still play that one.

Complete with that little warning to the terrorist element that "we'll put a boot in your ass...", etc.

Far as I know, aint no version where Toby threatens to show the terror troops what for by putting a boot in their sand.

Or toes in their boots.

Or whatever.

I'm a father and grandfather and I'm ready to stand right straight up when something truly prurient comes across my desk and wants to be put on the air.

But, it's 2009.

And I dont think the youth of America is going to degenerate into a raving mob of salivating cretins simply because Zac Brown has his ass in the sand and sings about it.

Seems to be that if it's necessary to "beep" Zac, then it should have been necessary to "beep" Toby.

And it wasn't.

So, when it comes to ass...I think what's good for the goose...

Now, if you have a problem with me using the words goose and ass in the same sentence, I'll cut you some slack.

"Their Qualification for The Job Is...They've Got The Job..."

Oxymorons.

An often witty little feature of our everyday language.

Defined, of course, as a phrase containing conflicting words.

Jumbo shrimp.

Free gift.

Military intelligence.

Music critic.

That last one is my invention.

I'm both copa and cetic with the idea that everyone is entitled to their opinion.

And when it comes to subjects that generate opinions, you cant do much better than musical taste.

But, musical taste is a subject that makes the subject of critque irrelevant.

Because, it's totally subjective.

That's why "critics" of music who offer up their two cents about whether this CD is good or this CD is bad or this CD is whatever are generally a waste of your reading and/or listening time and/or consideration.

The only music critic whose "observations" ever resonated for me was the late Frank Zappa.

"I do what I do", he said, "you either get it or you dont. I dont have time to explain it to you."

The chap in the video at the end of this piece has obviously convinced somebody with a checkbook that his two cents are worth paying for.

Nice work if you can get it.

Personally, I agree with what this "expert" says about Carrie Underwood's newest CD and the whole "machine" thing.

But, it doesnt matter a hoot in hell what this guy says or whether I agree with him.

Or don't.

Because neither his, nor my, opinion is going to prevent millions of Carrie Underwood fans from forking over twenty bucks to buy the CD.

Nor should it.

Because they're entitled to their opinions, too.

And, what the hell, it's their money.

For my money, here's an opinion.

Nashville is a factory that is in business to manufacture product that will appeal to a broad and massive audience in the hopes that they will sell lots of said product.

They make no secret about it.

"Critics" are people who cloak their personal opinions in some kind of "credibility" cloud in the hopes that they will keep getting a check to offer those opinions.

Those that can, do.

Those that can't, teach.

Those that can't do or teach...

Offer "professional opinions."

Now, there's an oxymoron.