"If, Ands, But....No Butts...."

Don't mean to step on anybody's "toes"....

But I don't have a problem with "ass".

One of the fresher groups to come along in country music this past year is the Zac Brown Band.

From the first time "Chicken Fried" showed up on the "looking for adds" list to the catchy groove of "Whatever It Is", it was clear as clear gets that this was a bunch of talents who were bringing a much welcomed, unique sound to country music and country radio.

And the crowd goes wild.

Yay.

Now, with their latest hit, the equally catchy and unique "Toes", a little broohaha has bubbled up.

The opening lyric of the song gets right down to brass tacks.

"I've got my toes in the water / ass in the sand...."

The "A" word show up a few more times along the way with absolutely no attempt made by the guys to disguise, underspeak, undersing or underemphasize it's inclusion.

Ass.

Plain and simple.

I started playing the song on my show and station as soon as I heard it because it's catchy, unique and clever.

And after the first listen or two and the inevitable initial eyebrow raised at the first hearing of the A word, I didnt give it another thought.

Then, I happened to be listening to Blair Garner's "After Midnite", a nationally syndicated show and heard an alternate version of the song.

In place of the A word, Zac simply sang the T word again.

So, the lyric was..."I got my toes in the water / toes in the sand..."

Well, don't take a Rhodes scholar to read the handwriting there.

Obviously, Zac provided a "safer" version for anybody who might resist programming the song for fear of sending little old ladies into cardiac arrest at the blatant uttering of the anal euphemsism.

Smart move on Zac's part, I suppose.

But I really expected more from Blair.

I've noticed that the other major country station in my market is playing the sani-tuned version, as well.

Geez, louise, guys.

Unasked and, frankly, unapologetic, allow me to share with you why I'm playing the cheeky version.

First, the line " toes in the water / toes in the sand" doesnt make any sense.

How can your toes be in the water and in the sand at the same time?

Second, nobody got their knickers in a twist when Toby Keith came assing down the airwaves.

"Courtesy of The Red, White and Blue", if you please.

And we all still play that one.

Complete with that little warning to the terrorist element that "we'll put a boot in your ass...", etc.

Far as I know, aint no version where Toby threatens to show the terror troops what for by putting a boot in their sand.

Or toes in their boots.

Or whatever.

I'm a father and grandfather and I'm ready to stand right straight up when something truly prurient comes across my desk and wants to be put on the air.

But, it's 2009.

And I dont think the youth of America is going to degenerate into a raving mob of salivating cretins simply because Zac Brown has his ass in the sand and sings about it.

Seems to be that if it's necessary to "beep" Zac, then it should have been necessary to "beep" Toby.

And it wasn't.

So, when it comes to ass...I think what's good for the goose...

Now, if you have a problem with me using the words goose and ass in the same sentence, I'll cut you some slack.